You lie not here, yet here- wired up, the beeps
viridian tracings flowing through your veins.
Our love seeps through, you later tell us. Seeps
through, while we watch you sleep. We call your name.
You say you heard us, but you did not care
to take your leave quite yet. You felt this world
you could forsake, for you were happy there.
I walk Venetian lanes and hear the swirl
of lapping water lipping over piers
of umber wood. The amber sun held deep
within the ancient crumbling ochre years,
rose-madder shadows flecked with gold. I weep
for if I take my leave just here I’ll be
so near to reaching life’s sweet apogee.
Tagged: illness, loss, love, memory, poem, Poetry, sadness, sonnet, Venice, wired up to life support
internettynittygritty 
If you have the break after the 8th line and veins rhymes with name and world rhymes with swirl, then you have a Shakespearian sonnet. But the point of view changes in the 8th line, so the rhyme scheme doesn’t match the points of view! I’m feeling giddy.
On second thoughts perhaps that’s okay and very clever!
I have a Shakespearian sonnet whatever. I chose to break with convention and break it there for an obvious reason. Forms are there to break, play with, use, abuse, merely tools to enable us to communicate… Surely? More importantly- does it speak to you- do you like it?
Lindsay Crutchley sent from my iPhone
How intense,beautifully sad…
Peace to you,
Laz
Thank you
Love the colours in the second stanza 🙂
Mmm I love Italy, Venice in particular. I quite wish I was there now. Venice at this time of year is all mist and mystery…
Venice is top of my wish list, travelwise.
Would love to go with an unlimited budget, but we are looking at passing through on a cruise this summer (special occasion)- that will have to suffice – for now!
Have you read Salley Vickers’ “Miss Garnet’s Angel”?
No- is it good? I love recommendations.
Oh yes! It’s her first and, I reckon, her best novel. I’d lend you it, but it’s currently on loan.
Sorry, should say it’s set in Venice and was inspired by an artwork she saw in a church she stumbled across in a Venetian square. Reading it made me want to go there and lose myself…
Salley Vickers was a guest speaker at Leicester Writers’ Club last year – wonderful evening.
I’ve never actually heard of her… but ordered said book from Amazon 🙂
You won’t be disappointed 🙂
what a beautiful one. So terribly sad. i do love all those colour descriptions and can see/smell venice hugely just from your magical words. The first part i love cos it’s written in a controlled clinical way… hard edged repetitive- echoing the beeps…. the 2nd shimmery as equally intense but more gentle a softer memory not so harsh.
There talking bollox again. It’s fab that’s what it bloody is. x
Hey Jo- thanks… you never talk bollox… well, only when we’re pissed!