Vellum Wound

Poems 15/01/2011 Comments: 4

A diary,

you opened me,

pristine and blank,

left your ink

indelibly engrained

upon my leaves.

 

Weaved philtres

through my reams,

I reeled, felt

true blue bruise,

the tattooed weal,

my vellum wound.

 

Presumed us safe

yet now I see you kept

your brittle carapace

in place,

self-protecting,

unlike me, inept.

 

I wept, felt duped

for your integrity

proved dubious,

hoped foolishly,

you would be my master,

I your maid.

 

Dismayed, my

brave servility

self sacrificed,

I closed myself,

threw away the key

before your cock crow’d thrice.

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Vellum Wound”

  1. jaynestanton 15/01/2011 at 7:48 pm Reply

    I prefer the ending in this latest draft – makes more sense. The only lines I’m not sure about are:

    inveterately,
    so literately
    spelt throughout

    I think the line breaks work apart from:
    as you swirled in with/night and snowflakes
    and:
    such bravely/learned servility

  2. lindsaywallerwilkinson 15/01/2011 at 8:38 pm Reply

    Thanks 😉 God- I don’t know why I’m pursuing this bugger. I just somehow want to capture it. Nail it!

  3. jaynestanton 15/01/2011 at 9:40 pm Reply

    I think this version of the 3rd stanza is the best yet.

    In the 4th stanza ‘I’d’ instead of ‘I had’ would improve the rhythm.

    Yes, sometimes a work in progress will get under my skin (and some remain unfinished – it’s a growing folder!)

    • lindsaywallerwilkinson 16/01/2011 at 10:34 pm Reply

      I think I’m beginning to like it now- I just ditched the first stanza- it sounded horrible…

You could always tell me what you think...